


It's Okay (To Not Be Okay)

by zombiesbecrazy



Category: Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: Bro hugs, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, spoilers for Young Justice Outsiders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-10-09 21:44:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17413274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zombiesbecrazy/pseuds/zombiesbecrazy
Summary: Dick has not been dealing with the past two years as well as he thinks he could have been.





	It's Okay (To Not Be Okay)

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for Young Justice Outsiders until the end of Episode 6.
> 
> I'm really liking the season so far, and Episodes 4-6 were amazing but Dick Grayson, despite the smiles, is clearly not doing okay.

Dick always forgot how bright the stars were outside of the city but from the balcony of M’Gann and Conner’s Happy Harbor house they seemed more impossibly endless than normal. So close and numerous, like he could almost reach out and touch them, but he knew that they were out of reach. They always were.

Just like most things in his life where these days.

He felt someone stand next to him, leaning on the balcony alongside him, but Dick kept his eyes glued to the night sky. He didn’t need to turn to know who it was. “You snapped at Forager.”

“I know.”

“He didn’t say anything wrong. He doesn’t know any different. He wouldn’t understand why you got mad.”

“I know.” And he did know, because it was the truth. Bart was Kid Flash now and he was the only Kid Flash that Forager had met. He had no way to know that there had been a Kid Flash before him. Dick groaned and dropped his head into his hands. It needed to stop; the way that Dick reacted when he heard the name, the way that the anger and the pain flared up at the sound of it. Or the way that he felt sick to his stomach every time he saw Bart in the uniform. He knew that he was just trying to honour his cousin, but whenever Dick saw Bart suited up all it did was twist the knife a little deeper, made it bleed a little more. It also didn’t help that every day he looked a little bit more like his older cousin.

Why couldn’t he have just stayed as Impulse? It would make even just the tiniest bit easier.

Kid Flash wasn’t Bart. Kid Flash was

“You called Will by my name,” Dick’s thoughts were interrupted by Wally’s voice again, making him finally turn his head to look at his companion. Wally was mirroring Dick’s position against the railing, looking exactly as he had two years ago, wearing a faded Stanford hoodie, well worn blue jeans and bare feet. It was strange how he always wore different clothes whenever Dick saw him. Psychology dictated that he should always look the same whenever Dick saw him, but Wally wouldn’t dare to be so predictable. “Will wasn’t wrong in Star City. You can’t just use him as a replacement for me.”

“I know.”

Wally sighed beside him and leaned closer. Dick could almost feel his shoulder nudge his own. “You aren’t okay, Dick. You haven’t been okay since I died.”

“I know that too.” He had known it for a long time, ever since the Arctic. Seeing dead people wasn’t okay. It was something that Wally told him almost every time Dick saw him, which was more than a little ironic coming from a mental projection. It wasn’t healthy to see visions of his best friend popping up at all times, especially two years after his death. This hadn’t happened with his parents and it hadn’t happened with Jason. Something was holding him back, tethering him to the ghost of Wally, not letting him grieve and move on like he knew he had to. Everything he had tried just made him hold on tighter to the memory. “I’m really not.”

Of course he knew that he wasn’t okay. All signs pointed towards him being completely broken.

The stars twinkled above him as Dick talked to Wally about what had been happening, just like they had always done and as Dick had done for the past two years, because if he was already broken he might as well embrace the crazy. They talked about the meta human trafficking rings, the trip to Markovia, the team up with the Harpers, the League of Assassins. He then shifted to Bruce leading the coup against the League and from there it went into talking about Barbara and his precarious civilian life he was trying to build in Bludhaven. It felt good to talk to Wally, even though the rational part of him knew it wasn’t really happening. He knew that his best friend wasn’t really standing beside him but it helped him process everything to talk to him even if Dick knew that Ghost Wally existing at all was probably a bigger issue.

Wally was beginning to rant back about how much of a jerk Bruce was for blindsiding Kaldur when they were interrupted by the sliding door behind them opening and then the soft footsteps that followed. “Who are you talking to, Dick?” This voice was actually there and Dick forced a grin onto his face as he nodded his head at Conner. The apparition of Wally disappeared as Conner took his place leaning against the rail.

“No one. Just hanging out with Wolf.” He gestured to Wolf lying beside him. Despite him becoming more docile in his older age, Wolf seemed to like it when Dick came to visit; waking up and following him everywhere, even if only to fall asleep again by his feet. Dick bent down and scratched him behind his ears as if he had been doing it the whole time.

Conner glanced down at the wolf who wagged his tail at Dick’s touch as he dozed. “He’s not much of a talker.”

“That’s fine. I’m used to that. He listens well.”

Conner turned his gaze away from Dick, but instead of looking at the stars, Conner’s eyes were on the water, staring into the depths. Minutes passed in silence between them but it was comfortable because Conner never seemed to mind the quiet. An owl hooted in the distance, breaking the barrier between them. “You remember that I have super hearing, right?”

The actual words went unsaid, but the implication was clear; Conner had heard him talking to Wally and it probably wasn’t the first time. “I know,” Dick mumbled, not really surprised. He didn’t really hide it very well and it wasn’t the first time someone had found out. He had told Barbara when she had walked in on him mid argument with Ghost Wally and he had told Dinah during a therapy session, and he knew that Bruce suspected even though he hadn’t said the words out loud. Anyone who spent enough time with him knew that he was haunted by ghosts of his past, but only a very few knew how literal that was. It had only been a matter of time before Conner found out.

“Do you want to talk about it? With someone who can answer?”

“The mission? No. The other thing?” Dick shook his head. “Not really. Thanks though.” He was working through it with Dinah. He didn’t need that from Conner. He didn’t need his friend to start looking at him differently, to pity him and his delusions.

Pity wouldn’t help the problem.

“I know it’s not the same, but... you, Kaldur and Wally. I’ve known you guys literally my entire life.” Conner continued to stare out at the water. He hadn’t mentioned it to Dick, but it was clear that Cadmus had to have been on his mind since Markovia, after seeing those kids in the tubes. He had managed to keep his rage at bay, possibly because he knew that they couldn’t have two of them going off the deep end when Brion was already fueling that fire well enough for the both of them. “Wally’s voice was the first thing I heard when I woke up.”

“Conner, I…” Things like this just made Dick feel worse, when he was reminded that he wasn’t the only one who had lost Wally. Barry, Iris, Bart, Kaldur, Conner… Dick wasn’t the only one grieving, but he did seem to be the one having the hardest time letting go. Conner shook his head and turned away from the water to look at Dick straight on. “I’m not trying to diminish your pain. I’m just trying to remind you that you aren’t alone. We all miss him too.” He shrugged and looked a little uncomfortable talking about his feelings in such a straight forward manner. “Just because it looks like we’ve all moved on, it still hurts. You can lean on us when you need to.”

“I don’t do teams anymore. Or at least I didn’t.” That wasn’t him anymore. It couldn’t be. Things always fell apart in teams. He was just too broken and alone, even when he was surrounded by people. It was easier on his own, or with just Babs in his ear. He couldn’t bring anyone else down when he was alone.

“That isn’t being a team, Dick. That’s what families do. We depend on each other when we need to. Especially when things are rough. You guys taught me that.” Conner took a step towards him, and pulled Dick into a hug.

That was all it took for Dick’s seams to finally crack and for him to fall apart. It wasn’t just Wally; it never was. It was everything just compounding at once and it was just too much. Tears didn’t come, but he felt himself shaking in Conner’s arms, pulled tight and snug. He wasn’t sure how long they stood there, but Dick eventually felt another set of arms wrap around both of them. He didn’t open his eyes to check who it was. Again, he didn’t need to. “Wally’s hugging us.”

If Conner was surprised, he didn’t react. “Not shocking. The guy was a hugger.” A pause and then, "How often?"

“I see him all the time. He’s everywhere,” whispered Dick hoarsely, finally putting the words together that he had been hiding from his friend for so long. “I think I might be going crazy, Conner. It’s not normal.”

“Is it hurting you? Or anyone else?”

“No. It’s just… comforting, I guess. Seeing him. Hearing him. Talking to him.”

“Then you aren’t crazy. Don’t worry about it. If it helps somehow, do it. Just don’t forget about the rest of us who are here and want to look out for you too.” Conner pulled away from the hug so that he could look at Dick more closely. Had it really been seven years since they had met? They had all grown up so much, and yet they were still the same kids they had always been. “Are you okay?”

“No,” said Dick but he was starting to smile despite himself. This time Dick’s grin was smaller, but it was a little more genuine. He wasn’t alone in this, not matter how much he thought it was. He didn't have to forget Wally to let anyone else in. “But maybe I will be.”


End file.
